Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Water Baby

Off to the pool
Decked out for a dip
Goggles on your eyes
And swim-ring on your hips
Flippers on your feet
And armbands all in place
Nothing like being...
Equipped for 'just in case!'
Takes half an hour to fit it all
Before you hit the water
Then your back on land again
In just a minute and a quarter!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Tomboy

Never see you wearing
Pink and frilly dresses
Never see a bow
Tying back your tresses
What we see in you is...
A tomboy through and through
Football, slugs and snails
Are more akin to you
You love to be among
The lads when out to play
But wouldn't want to have you
Any other way!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Tea Party

It's nice to have a party
With cakes and cups of tea
A happy little gathering
Of dollies round your knee
Afterwards you tidy up
When all are nourished and fed
But oh dear!.... look behind you
You've missed out little ted!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Puddles

Splish, splash and splodge
In the puddles you play
Dressed in wellies and mac'
For a very wet day
To the water you're drawn
Like a magnet to steel
Just why is it that pools
Have such 'kiddy appeal' ?

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Potty

Sitting on your potty
Oh!...how good are you?
Trying your very best to..
Do a tinkle or a poo!
You would rather wear
The potty on your head
But it's made to fit your bum
So you sit on it instead!
When it comes to rising
Mummy isn't happy
Cos you would rather wait
And fill your bloomin' nappy!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Naughty

Was there ever a kid as wayward?
Was there ever a rascal as wild?
Sometimes wonder if maybe
You are really the devil's child!
You are impish, and ever so naughty
Don't think you can ever be tamed
But wouldn't think of trying to change you
'Cause you're lovable all the same!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Mucky Pup

Boys will be boys, so they say
Neither refined nor dainty while they are at play
It's all bugs and worms and frogs and snails
And little fishes and tadpoles in jars and in pails
Muck and mud, slime and dirt
Smudged on trousers and splattered on shirts
But boys grow up, and turn into men
Then enjoy getting grubby..... all over again!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Little Nurse

Dolly looks quite poorly
And teddy's injured too
But they'll both soon be better
With a nurse who's just like you
With a bandage and a plaster
Some cream and a little care
You'll have a healed up dolly
And a mended teddy bear!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Little Monkey

A bit of a gymnast
That's what you are
Head over heels
And hanging from a bar
Perhaps in a circus
Is the place for you
Or failing that
As a monkey..in a zoo!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Little Madam

All dressed up,
And nowhere to go!
Wearing mummy's high heels
And her big hat with a bow
But think you have skidded
While applying your lipstick
And that azure eyeshadow
Is a smidgen too thick.
Looks like your apparel
Is producing a big thrill
Better stay indoors tho'
You are dressed to kill!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Leapfrog

Happily playing leapfrog
A favoured outdoor game
But tuck your arms and hands in
Don't want to have them maimed
Jumping up and over
Legs spread far and wide
Then hurl yourself well forward
Land safe on the other side!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Ice Cream

Vanilla, choc' or strawberry
Any flavour's fine
Of course your favoured choice
Would be a scrumptious ninety nine
When it comes to eating ice cream
You really are the tops
But you're also very partial to
Licking icy lollipops!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Homework

Everyone thinks you're very good
When you sit up on your bed
Doing all your homework....
But you're playing games instead!
Dabbling with your console
A game pad in your mitt
The books are all ignored now
Perhaps you'd better quit.
Just write a few more lines
Or do another sum
Then teacher will be happy
And so will Dad and Mum.

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids decoupage verse - First Steps

Oopsa daisy!....gently does it!
Steady as you go
Starting to get the hang of it
As you totter to and fro
Won't be long now
Til' you're really steady on your feet
But in the meantime as you wobble
My word you do look sweet!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids decoupage verse - First Bike

Riding on your bike
So happy and gay
Up and down and round about
For most of the day
With your little toy soldier
Strapped securely on the back
Anyone would think
You were on a race track
Safely kitted out
With your helmet on your head
Better pedal round one more lap
It will soon be time for bed

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - flippin' Feedin' Time

There's food all over everywhere
When you sit in your high chair
On the floor and up the walls
In your eyes and in your hair!
You are such a messy kiddie
But to us/me you are the tops
We/I still want to hug and kiss you
Even tho' you're decked in slops!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids decoupage verse - Flippin' Buggy

Sitting in your buggy
Ready for a spin
Just ensure that you are
Safely fastened in
Why...because behind you
Things seem quite amiss
The person navigating
Is only little Sis' !

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse- Baby Bath

Sitting in your baby bath
Bubbles everywhere
Up your nose...in your eyes
Covering all your hair
But they won't irritate you
You need have no fears
Mummy is so careful
Using Johnson's 'No More Tears'

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Flippin' Bedtime

Oh little sleepy head
You seem to be bushed
Even tho' throughout the day
You've been carried or been pushed
But soon you will be snoozing
It's time for beddy-byes
So hugs and kisses to you my sweet
Just close those big blue eyes!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Kids Decoupage Verse - Flippin Bare

You look so cute and cuddly
With that great big teddy bear
He's just about as big as you
With lovely brown plush hair
But ...when we look behind you
We note that you are bare
You are showing everybody
Your cute pink derriere!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Birthday verse for a child

Today's a special birthday
With (age) candles on your cake
Hope it's filled with laughter
From the moment that you wake
With many lovely presents
And fun the whole day through
Sending lots of hugs and kisses
To a boy/girl as nice as you!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Funny Birthday Verse for Husband

What's that heavy breathing
Is it passion for my sake?
No......you're only panting
At all the candles on your cake
I thought perhaps your ardour
Had discovered a new zest
But you sit there ...just wheezing
In your braces and string vest
Perhaps the lust will materialise
On some far and distant date
In the meantime...enjoy your birthday
If you have the 'puff' to celebrate!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Engagement Verse

The news of your engagement
Is wonderful to hear
We/I hope you'll both be happy
For many, many years
We're/I'm sending utmost wishes
That this is just the start
Of a lifetime of love and happiness
That grows within your hearts.

© Marjorie Ramsay

Father's Day Verse No. 2

You've always been my hero
A dad that's number one
You've been so loving and caring
A dad that's been 'hands on'
And now that time of year is here
When I can truly say
You're the 'bestest' dad in the world to me
So have a 'super duper' day

© Marjorie Ramsay

Father's Day Verse

Sending love to you on Father's Day
For the fondness you have shown
For the affection you have given me
In a manner that's your own
To tell you that you're thought of
In such a special way
And more warmly and sincerely
Than words could ever say!

© Marjorie Ramsay

2 Get Well Soon Verses

You may be feeling frail
You may be feeling blue
You may be sick and poorly
And gloomy through and through
But know that you are cherished
And missed more every day
Be quick and come back soon
Hope you feel better in every way!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Today dear friend you're in my thoughts
My heart and my prayers too
And while you are recovering
May the angels watch over you
I hope it won't be too long
Till your home and feeling fine
So chin up, keep on smiling
Dearest friend of mine!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Verse for a friend...for general use (birthdays etc.)

As the years pass on
We make lot's of friends like you
Some are soon gone
Few are forever true
Yet, these are the ones we relish
Where harmony will prevail
This type of friend we cherish
Where loyalty never fails
With you my life is complete
With my sorrows I can contend
You make our friendship sweet
Thank you for being my friend

© Marjorie Ramsay

Bon Voyage/Emigrating Verse

Though miles will be between us
You'll be always in my/our mind(s)
Now you're heading off to (Canada,Australia...wherever)
And leaving me/us behind
We have so many memories
Of good times and of bad
Certainly we'll look back on
The better ones we had
But farewell is not for ever
It's a new start for both of you
So 'Good Luck' and 'Bon Voyage' dear friends
Hope all your dreams come true!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Sympathy verse

You must be feeling so sad dear
And everything must seem so unreal
Can't imagine just what you are going through
Or begin to comprehend how you feel
But know that my/our thoughts are there with you
My/our compassion, my/our prayers and my/our heart(s)
If I/we could I'd/we'd be there now, to hug you
But I'm/we're with you in spirit, though apart!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Christening Verse

On this your baby's Christening Day
This card is sent with love
And with wishes for sweet blessings
From God.... way up above
May this day be happy
And perchance be the start
Of a life of hope and faith
That comes right from the heart

© Marjorie Ramsay

Another Christening Verse
The Lord will always love you
Even though you're very small
He loves the little children
And watches over all
Now you're being baptized
He'll be with you till the end
And never leave your side
He'll always be your friend
You're a special little boy/girl
Who's been loved right from the start
But the Lord will now protect you
And keep you in his heart!
Marjorie Ramsay©

Red Hatter Verses

My hat I wear with great aplomb
It makes me feel so bolder
For though I've passed the '50' mark
I don't feel any older
Than when I was a sweet young thing
Just barely out of my teens
And wearing out my platform shoes
And wide bell bottom jeans
But now I have a purple frock
It really is a shocker
All finished off with 'Big Red Hat'
With ostrich feather topper
I know the colours really clash
To me, it does not matter
I'm proud to say, I'm in the club
I'm a 50 plus 'Red Hatter'
© Marjorie Ramsay



My dress is kinda' purple
My hat is 'flamin' red
It covers up the grey hairs
Now sprouting from my head
I know I look distinguished
And my clothes are oh so 'loud'
But I'm a member of the 'Red Hat Brigade'
And of that......I'm very proud!
© Marjorie Ramsay

Twenty First verse for a daughter or grand daughter

Today dear (grand)daughter
You are twenty one
Just wondering now
Where all those years have gone!
From the time in your cradle...
Such a cute little thing
To a lovely young lady
Who much pleasure does bring
So these birthday wishes
Are concise and so clear..
Have a fabulous birthday
I/We love you my dear!
© Marjorie Ramsay

Divorce Verse no 3

That day you said ''I Do''
You made a big mistake!
But that has now been rectified,
You've ditched the lying fake.
So.....we'll have a jolly 'knees -up'
With lots of booze.....of course
We'll celebrate your freedom
And your 'just granted' divorce!.
© Marjorie Ramsay

Verse for Divorce no 2

I was there in the crowd,
When you were a bride,
With the man o' your dreams,
Stood by your side..
Well ..those dreams turned to nightmares
And your life turned to ****
So here's my best wishes
For a Good Legal Split!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Verse for Divorce

You appeared so very happy
The day you made that vow
But I have noted one thing
You seem much happier now.
For better or for worse,
You had the worse ..of course
So this is just to wish for you
A jubilant divorce
© Marjorie Ramsay

Verse For Colleague Leaving

Sorry that you're leaving,
Glad it's only for a while
It will only be a short time
Until we see again your smile
You know we're going to miss you
But you'll be back real soon
So Good Luck, hope all goes well
See you again next June
(or maybe in July/Aug/ Sept etc etc)

© Marjorie Ramsay

Happy Birthday Verse From The Dog

You truly are my 'bestest friend'
When you groom and give me feed
You take me out on nice long walks
And let me off my lead
Well now that it's your birthday
I really want to say
Hope it's a 'Bow Wow' occassion
And a 'Waise the Woof'' type day
© Marjorie Ramsay

Leap Year Birthday Verse

It only comes one year in four
But I want to make it clear
I'm sending special Birthday wishes
To a friend who is so dear
You were a special Leap Year babe
And miss three years, that's true
So this really is your ?th
Wish I was young like you!
© Marjorie Ramsay

Teenager Verses

A Teenager
A teenager is a wondrous thing
An enigma to behold
It's something that's developed
When reaching 13 years old
No one can ever figure out
What's in your minds...that's true
Nor understand your sullen moods
Or things you try to do.
So I wont try to figure out
What's going through your head
I'll just sit back and remember
My teenage years.....instead!
© Marjorie Ramsay

You're Loved
You may be very churlish
And your face it may be spotty
Your clothes are so appalling
And your room.... extremely grotty
Everything about you
Is untidy and disheveled
Your mind is out in space
While your body's always leveled
But..even though you're harebrained
And your temper we can't tame
You're just another teenager
And we LOVE you..all the same!
© Marjorie Ramsay

Verses for....New Driver - New Baby - New Home - Diamond Anniversary - Son's Wedding Day - Daughter's Wedding Day

Passed driving Test
You've cracked it!..Knew you could
You're driving test you've passed
It's all over now, a job well done
The 'L' plates gone at last
But just make sure you take heed
Of what's in the Highway Code
Please keep safe and drive with care
You're a 'Newbie' on the road!
© Marjorie Ramsay


A New Baby
Congratulations!
A new Mum and Dad,
A safe arrival,
You must be so glad.
Now it's all nappies,
And bottles galore!
There will be so little leisure-time
Like you had before.
But don't fret about that,
It's all a great pleasure,
So cherish your wee one,
For she's/he's such a treasure!
© Marjorie Ramsay


New Home
A home is made with care and love,
And not with bricks and stone.
It's the place where happy people live
And memories are sewn!
Within the walls and windows,
Are treasures and wealth untold
But not of rubies and diamonds
Or chests of silver and gold.
But the riches we all strive for
Of a happy family life
Of children gay and gleeful
And a happy man and wife.
So these wishes that we send to you
As you move to your new home
Are for lots of wealthy happy days
For many years to come!
© Marjorie Ramsay

Diamond Anniversary
One by one each year flew by,
Since you both said “I do”
60 years of memories,
Shared by the two of you.
From big events and holidays
To simple daily pleasures,
Some tearful times along life’s way,
Some joys that can’t be measured
One by one each year now gone,
But still they’re yours forever
Each and every memory,
Of sixty years together!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Diamond Anniversary
It started with a simple ring, many years ago,
And now you have a treasure chest that's begun to overflow.
For 25 years of married bliss, much silver did you store,
And then you reached your 40th, with ruby stones galore!
You travelled through life to 50 years of happy wedded bliss
Your treasure grew with golden gifts, to toast your happiness
And now you've reached that special day, that's only seen by few
60 years together, now its diamonds for both of you.
But the treasure that you value most, isn't jewels ,silver or gold
But the love you have for each other, that has never grown old!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Wedding poem for son
Today dear Son, as you walk down the aisle
You'll see all the faces wearing a smile.
But as we remember those young tender years
Our smiles will conceal a few hidden tears.
They're not tears of sorrow, but tears full of joy
As we're both thinking back to our dear little boy
And now you have grown up and made us so proud
As you smile for the camera and the rest of the crowd
Remember dear (name) as you take your new wife
You're still very much a part of our life!
We're gaining a daughter. not losing a son,
You're new lives as husband and wife have begun
So be blissfully happy and enjoy your 'Big Day'
Have a wonderful marriage with a rose strewn way!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Wedding poem for daughter
Today dear daughter, as you walk down the aisle
You'll see all the faces wearing a smile.
But as we remember those young tender years
Our smiles will conceal a few hidden tears.
It isn't through sadness , our emotions just whirl
As we're both thinking back to our dear little girl
And now you have grown and made us so proud
As you smile for the camera and the rest of the crowd
Remember dear (name) as you become a new wife
You're still very much a part of our life!
We're not losing a daughter, we are gaining a son,
You're new lives as husband and wife have begun
So be blissfully happy and enjoy your 'Big Day'
Have a wonderful marriage with a rose strewn way!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Ruby Weddng Anniversary
It started with a simple ring, many years ago
And now you have a treasure chest that's begun to overflow.
For 25 years of married bliss, much silver did you store,
And then you reached your 40th, with ruby stones galore!
You travelled through life to 50 years of happy wedded bliss
Your treasure grew with golden gifts, to toast your happiness
And now you've reached that special day, that's only seen by few
60 years together, now its diamonds for both of you.
But the treasure that you value most, isn't jewels ,silver or gold
But the love you have for each other, that has never grown old!
© Marjorie Ramsay

Birthday verse for an old friend

When it comes to having friends
There's quite a few about
But ( Name) you're the very best
Of that I have no doubt
We've been good friends a long long time
For nearly (number) years
We've held each other's hands and hearts
Through laughter and through tears
You're very, very precious,
You're solid platinum
In fact you're decked with diamonds
My very special chum
Today's a time to celebrate
And I just want to say
I wish you every happiness
Have a very happy day

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Men Decoupage Verses - Walkies and Toilet

Walkies
A spot of orienteering
Is the project for this week
You've long aspired to climbing
That far and distant peak
So...with your rucksack and your compass
Doggie.... hipflask and some grub
You set out for your ramble
But stop off at the pub
With a few pints now inside you
You're bearings are in a mess
Just as well you're mobile
Is installed with GPS
You wander down the byways
Not sensing longitude or lat'
And end up back at your house
A more familiar habitat!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Toilet
Sitting on the throne
Paper in your hand
Trousers round your ankles
My word ...don't you look grand?
A little peace and quiet
While sitting on the loo
But oh my Lord... you do kick up
Such a stinking poo!!!!
Perhaps it's all that beer
That's causing such a reek
Better get more 'Air Wick'
When out shopping in the week!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Men Decoupage Verses - Snooker and BBQ

Snooker
Your cue is chalked and ready
As you approach the table
The balls are in position
And you feel fit and able
To make a massive break
So you go to play your shot
But the cue ball finds the pocket
So able....you are not!
Your next ball hits the cushion
And makes a double kiss
The white rolls down the baulk end
And every ball does miss
C'mon now..play a safe shot
And try to save the game
Alas, you've now been snookered
Your mate has won the frame!

© Marjorie Ramsay

BBQ
The sausages are blazing
The steak is nearly black
The flames are soaring heavenward
You seem to have the knack
Of burning every darned thing
Cremating this and that
The whole lot's off the menu
At least we won't get fat!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Here' a link put onto a forum I'm a member of for funny BBQ quotes......

http://www.bbq.co.uk/features/barbecue-quotations.aspx

Flippin' Men Decoupage Verses - Rugby and Bathtime

Rugby
You'll never play for England
Or wear the national cap
Your tackles are hilarious
Your conversions just a laugh
You'd like to be a hooker
No...not a lady of the night
But in the centre of the scrum mate
In the middle of the fight
But...you'd settle as a fly half
Or even as a prop
Pity tho'... each game you play
You seem to be the 'Flop'

© Marjorie Ramsay

Bathtime
Takin' a bath, making a splash
In front of the living room fire
Pint in your hand and cap on your head
The object of my desire
You say that Charles Atlas has nothing on you
With that body and lovely six pack
I just can't agree, you seem scrawny to me
And look even worse from the back!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Men Decoupage Verses - Golf and Bike

Golf
You take your driving iron
And tee off from the start
In Argyle pully and plus fours
You really look the part
The ball flies down the fairway
Then comes to a sudden stop
Cos it's landed in the bunker
'Fraid you've played a bleeding flop
You confront the ball with confidence
But can see it's badly laid
So, if your playing in the sand pit
Better take a bucket and spade!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Bike
Out on your bike,
Surveying the land
Bum in the saddle
Pint in your hand
Mile after mile
With legs either side
Of the crossbar and pedals
For a nice long ride
Watching the traffic
Not spilling a drop
Hey...that's drinking and riding
Watch out for that cop.
The wheels just keep turning
As you pedal away
Have a wonderful jaunt
And an amazing birthday!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Men Decoupage Verses - Fishing and Football

Fishing
You sit upon the riverbank
All through the day and night
Just hoping that some big fish
Is gonna' take a bite
With your rod held in your hand
And your waders round your thighs
You'll lie to all your friends
When you tell about the size
Of the one that got away
While you had it on the hook
You learnt all your fishing jargon
From JR Hartley's book!
That trout you caught for dinner
Will make a tasty dish
But...did you catch it down the market
From the bloke who sells the fish?

© Marjorie Ramsay

Football
The ref has blown the whistle
And the match is at an end
But we're still wondering fella
Which side did you defend?
You played more bloomin' fouls
Than in Mathews' factory
Did you have to punch that striker
To create that penalty?
Your tackles were a nightmare
You never got the ball
But perhaps your forward passes
Were really worst of all
In future when your team
Is booked to play a match
You'd be better in the stands mate
To cheer them on and watch!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Men Decoupage Verses - DIY and Gardening

DIY
So, you think you are a master
Of do it all yourself
The missus asked you last year
To fix that flat pack shelf
Now..tooled up, at the ready
You start to drill the plaster
But you hit the water pipe
My word...what a disaster!
And now you have that wall
To fix and then to skim
The room is like a lido
And the cat has learnt to swim
Telephone the pro's mate
Next time there is a job
Leave the gadgets in the toolshed
And you go down the pub!

© Marjorie Ramsay



Gardener
Gardening is your hobby
It has often been said
With plants and pretty flowers
Being crossed and hi-bred
Trouble is, it's not done
By grafting or with seeds
It's more a fluke of nature
Cos' most are crossed with weeds!
Oh.. you know how to compost
To cultivate and sow
To propagate and layer
And make your garden grow
But another Percy Thrower
Is something you are not
So just languish in that deckchair
And sod the bloomin' lot!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Men Decoupage Verses - Darts and Duster

Darts
You line up on the oche
Just like Robin Hood
You're aim's to get 'three in a bed'
You think you are that good!
You end up with a 'bag of nails'
Three darts in number 1
The next throw hits the wire
You'll never score that ton
Then when you think you're beaten
You throw a perfect score
180 cries the referee
The crowd begin to roar
Another gallon of beer down
You'll show 'em how to win
But every dart you aim now
Just ends up in the bin!

© Marjorie Ramsay


DUSTER
With your bonny feather duster
In your 'marigolded' hand
And your 'oh so pretty' apron
My word you do look grand
Cleaning every space
Making all so spick and span
You are definitely an asset
And such a helpful man
But...now that it's your birthday
Just put away your mop
Drink that pint that's in your hand
Then you can wipe away the slop!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Men Decoupage Verses - Cricket and Decorator

Cricket
You stagger from the pavillion
Dressed up in your whites
Praying that the umpire
Will stop play for 'bad light'
Even though you're fond of
A lovely game of cricket
Beer and bat don't mix chum
You're on a 'sticky wicket'!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Decorator
Sitting on your ladder
Pint of beer in your mitt
Not much painting done
Just a little bit.
But..don't you drink too many
Stick to your painting plan
Or you'll dip into your beer glass
And not the Bl**dy can!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Men Decoupage Verses - Boxer and Cheers

Boxer
Time to celebrate
The bout is over and done
You look like you lost the fight mate
But I/we hear that you actually won
You gave a few upper cuts
That palooka was beat at the bell
But looking at your left eye
He aimed a few punches as well!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Cheers
Sitting on a barrel
Beer glass in your hand
The cask is almost empty
And you can hardly stand
Now it comes to counting
How many pints you've sunk
Better try in 'gallons'
You dipsomaniac drunk!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Flippin' Men Decoupage Verses - Bookie and Bowls

Bookie
The bookie's is your favourite spot
To spend your leisure days
With a hot tip from the horse's mouth
You'll risk 50p each way
But it seems you wear the blinkers
You' ve selected the outsider
It's running backwards round the track
And unseated it's bloody rider!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Bowls
Out there on the grass
Just one more end to play
Jack rolled out and lying straight
But a blocker in the way
You bend those knees and bowl your wood
Your opponent is holding shot
But too much beer has taken it's toll
You miss the bloomin' lot
But never fret, you've one bowl left
A drive is now your scheme
You take the lead and win the game
Champion of the green!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Complete set of 20 Flippin' Women' verses

Bingo
Clickety click, One little duck
You've listened to the lingo
Downing Street, Kelly's Eye
You just love a game of Bingo
The numbers roll out fleetingly
Each one can titilate
So c'mon Mr Caller.....
Shout number Eighty Eight!
Your ready with your dabber
Just one more square to dot
He calls out 'Two Fat Ladies'
You've won the 'Big Jackpot'

© Marjorie Ramsay


Aerobics
Bend those knees
And stretch those thighs
You've heard it all before
And now you've worked a sweat up..
You can't take anymore
But think of how you'll feel
Smarter figure, waist so slender
... and aching joints and limbs
And muscles.....very tender!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Pilates
Keep fit is on the menu
To get you looking great
Just roll around that great big ball
To help you loose some weight
You've tried the Aqua-aerobics
And now you do Pilates
But that just seems to move the wind
Producing lots of 'farties'!
And when you've finished bending
I'll bet you'll be in stitches
You'll need some thread and needle
To mend those ragged britches!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Break
Relax and put your feet up
Have a well earned cuppa
You've 5 minutes to spare
Before you start the supper
The kids are playing nicely
With crayons and poster paints
But if you could see behind you
'Nice' is what they 'aint!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Bubble Bath
Lie back and feel the pleasure
Of warm soapy water and bubbles
Forget your pressing cares
And recent urgent troubles
But bubbles are not confined to
A nice warm soapy immersion
So raise a glass of 'champers'
A better 'bubbly' version.
Your problems will disperse
Your worries you'll forget
When both outside and inside too
You're bubbly soaking wet!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Crafting
So you think you are a crafter
Scrapping and making cards
But what some may make look easy
For others can be extremely hard
You can always join a forum
Cos' there you'll learn some skill
Of how to stamp and glitter
And decoupage at your will.
But be careful while you're using
Sticky pads or gum
Or you'll find that misplaced topper
Is sticking to your Bum!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Dancing
Shake tha 'tush' ..move that rear
Let's see some 'Dirty Dancin'
Move around your handbag
Keep up the strut and prancin'
We've heard of your Fandango
We've seen you do the Conga
But what we want to know
Is ...can you last much longer!
The joint is really jumpin'
There's an awful stench of sweat
Oh no!.......you've gone too far now
With a one-legged Pirouette

© Marjorie Ramsay

Diet
I hear you're on a diet
To lose a bit of weight
How many times is this
I've counted 'twenty eight'
You've found a healthy eating plan
With cabbage, carrot and plums
Guaranteed to lose you pounds
From your purse.. if not your bum
So keep on counting calories
Don't sin for goodness sake
Don't plough your way through Cadbury's
And bin that choccy cake!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Exercise
You need more exercise
Your activity level is low
To improve your body shape
You have to get up and go
Activity is a must
Try pilates, yoga or hike
A rowing machine is good
But I recommend...a bike
A one that never leaves
The comfort of your home
So you are always near
The fridge...your 'comfort zone'
No petrol need here
The bike is cheap to run
Just top up very often
With a fresh cream filled choc bun!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Fashion
If you've got a compulsion
To squander your wealth
You'll not find a cure
On the National Health
If shopping's essential
And spending's a must
And that tin just for saving
Is starting to rust
There is no solution
You're addicted...that's true
So just browse and acquire
And Good Luck to you!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Fixing
Grab your 'lectric gadget
Tool up with some gear
Now you're ready for action
But are you really, Dear?
Make sure you've read the leaflet
Of how to bolt and drill
To make a hole that's tidy
Not one you have to refill
Can you make a Chamfer
On a piece of wood
Build an Argos flatpack
And make it look real good
OK...you seem proficient
To fix and mend a room
But what was that I heard then?
A supersonic BOOM!!!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Gardening
You tender your garden
With such loving care
And care for the plants
And flowers grown there
Your carrots are gems
So big and so lush
But Bugs is in hiding
Behind that wee bush
He'll devour your crops
Without any shame
So you'll have to start planting
All over again!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Groceries
Your knees are sagging
Your arms are drooped
You've just done the shopping
Now you are 'pooped'
You just wish that someone
Would think of a plan
To feed a full family
Each child and your man
With ease and less effort
More cushy for you
So you could relax
For a minute or two
But wait...there's an answer
Go to WWW dot
Go get online
Book a TESCO free slot

© Marjorie Ramsay


Holidays
Just sitting in a hammock
Swinging to an' fro
Margarita in your hand
Suntan all aglow
Pleasure is your aim
Relaxation and good cheer
Writing out those postcards
'Wishing You Were Here!'
Having a great time
Soaking up the sun
Making lots of new friends
Having lots of fun!


© Marjorie Ramsay


Ironing
Another pressing engagement
Taking up your time
You've done the bloomin' washing
And now you have to iron.
So guzzling on some vino
Helps to ease the strain
But have a peek behind you
You'll have to wash AGAIN!!!

© Marjorie Ramsay



Mornings
Don't do mornings
Not your scene
Roll out of bed
At approx 12.15
Grab a cup of coffee
2 Asprin for your head
Refill up your 'hottie'
And roll back into bed!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Scales
Oh my goodness
You've gone pale
Just can't believe
What you read on the scale
How come you weigh so much
Must be sooooooo fat
No...just look behind you
I't's that 'flamin' cat

© Marjorie Ramsay


Walkabout
With your backpack and your map
Walking boots and hiking cap
You look set for a good long trek
Over the dales, river and beck
Up on the hillside, down in the vale
Through all weathers, sunshine and gale.
You seem so happy, a blissful pair
Just you and your little, Teddy Bear!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Whoa
Over the sticks
Out of town
Riding your pony/horse
Over hill and down
Horsing around
Having such sport
Hoping the poor little fox
Isn't caught
Galloping on
Till the day is done
Both horse and rider
Have had such fun!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Yoga
Got your knickers in a twist
What a hullaballoo
Don't think practising Yoga
Is something you should do!
Arm outstreched above your head
Touching finger and thumb
One leg twisted round your neck
The other ...up your bum!

© Marjorie Ramsay