Complete set of 20 Flippin' Women' verses

Bingo
Clickety click, One little duck
You've listened to the lingo
Downing Street, Kelly's Eye
You just love a game of Bingo
The numbers roll out fleetingly
Each one can titilate
So c'mon Mr Caller.....
Shout number Eighty Eight!
Your ready with your dabber
Just one more square to dot
He calls out 'Two Fat Ladies'
You've won the 'Big Jackpot'

© Marjorie Ramsay


Aerobics
Bend those knees
And stretch those thighs
You've heard it all before
And now you've worked a sweat up..
You can't take anymore
But think of how you'll feel
Smarter figure, waist so slender
... and aching joints and limbs
And muscles.....very tender!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Pilates
Keep fit is on the menu
To get you looking great
Just roll around that great big ball
To help you loose some weight
You've tried the Aqua-aerobics
And now you do Pilates
But that just seems to move the wind
Producing lots of 'farties'!
And when you've finished bending
I'll bet you'll be in stitches
You'll need some thread and needle
To mend those ragged britches!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Break
Relax and put your feet up
Have a well earned cuppa
You've 5 minutes to spare
Before you start the supper
The kids are playing nicely
With crayons and poster paints
But if you could see behind you
'Nice' is what they 'aint!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Bubble Bath
Lie back and feel the pleasure
Of warm soapy water and bubbles
Forget your pressing cares
And recent urgent troubles
But bubbles are not confined to
A nice warm soapy immersion
So raise a glass of 'champers'
A better 'bubbly' version.
Your problems will disperse
Your worries you'll forget
When both outside and inside too
You're bubbly soaking wet!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Crafting
So you think you are a crafter
Scrapping and making cards
But what some may make look easy
For others can be extremely hard
You can always join a forum
Cos' there you'll learn some skill
Of how to stamp and glitter
And decoupage at your will.
But be careful while you're using
Sticky pads or gum
Or you'll find that misplaced topper
Is sticking to your Bum!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Dancing
Shake tha 'tush' ..move that rear
Let's see some 'Dirty Dancin'
Move around your handbag
Keep up the strut and prancin'
We've heard of your Fandango
We've seen you do the Conga
But what we want to know
Is ...can you last much longer!
The joint is really jumpin'
There's an awful stench of sweat
Oh no!.......you've gone too far now
With a one-legged Pirouette

© Marjorie Ramsay

Diet
I hear you're on a diet
To lose a bit of weight
How many times is this
I've counted 'twenty eight'
You've found a healthy eating plan
With cabbage, carrot and plums
Guaranteed to lose you pounds
From your purse.. if not your bum
So keep on counting calories
Don't sin for goodness sake
Don't plough your way through Cadbury's
And bin that choccy cake!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Exercise
You need more exercise
Your activity level is low
To improve your body shape
You have to get up and go
Activity is a must
Try pilates, yoga or hike
A rowing machine is good
But I recommend...a bike
A one that never leaves
The comfort of your home
So you are always near
The fridge...your 'comfort zone'
No petrol need here
The bike is cheap to run
Just top up very often
With a fresh cream filled choc bun!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Fashion
If you've got a compulsion
To squander your wealth
You'll not find a cure
On the National Health
If shopping's essential
And spending's a must
And that tin just for saving
Is starting to rust
There is no solution
You're addicted...that's true
So just browse and acquire
And Good Luck to you!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Fixing
Grab your 'lectric gadget
Tool up with some gear
Now you're ready for action
But are you really, Dear?
Make sure you've read the leaflet
Of how to bolt and drill
To make a hole that's tidy
Not one you have to refill
Can you make a Chamfer
On a piece of wood
Build an Argos flatpack
And make it look real good
OK...you seem proficient
To fix and mend a room
But what was that I heard then?
A supersonic BOOM!!!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Gardening
You tender your garden
With such loving care
And care for the plants
And flowers grown there
Your carrots are gems
So big and so lush
But Bugs is in hiding
Behind that wee bush
He'll devour your crops
Without any shame
So you'll have to start planting
All over again!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Groceries
Your knees are sagging
Your arms are drooped
You've just done the shopping
Now you are 'pooped'
You just wish that someone
Would think of a plan
To feed a full family
Each child and your man
With ease and less effort
More cushy for you
So you could relax
For a minute or two
But wait...there's an answer
Go to WWW dot
Go get online
Book a TESCO free slot

© Marjorie Ramsay


Holidays
Just sitting in a hammock
Swinging to an' fro
Margarita in your hand
Suntan all aglow
Pleasure is your aim
Relaxation and good cheer
Writing out those postcards
'Wishing You Were Here!'
Having a great time
Soaking up the sun
Making lots of new friends
Having lots of fun!


© Marjorie Ramsay


Ironing
Another pressing engagement
Taking up your time
You've done the bloomin' washing
And now you have to iron.
So guzzling on some vino
Helps to ease the strain
But have a peek behind you
You'll have to wash AGAIN!!!

© Marjorie Ramsay



Mornings
Don't do mornings
Not your scene
Roll out of bed
At approx 12.15
Grab a cup of coffee
2 Asprin for your head
Refill up your 'hottie'
And roll back into bed!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Scales
Oh my goodness
You've gone pale
Just can't believe
What you read on the scale
How come you weigh so much
Must be sooooooo fat
No...just look behind you
I't's that 'flamin' cat

© Marjorie Ramsay


Walkabout
With your backpack and your map
Walking boots and hiking cap
You look set for a good long trek
Over the dales, river and beck
Up on the hillside, down in the vale
Through all weathers, sunshine and gale.
You seem so happy, a blissful pair
Just you and your little, Teddy Bear!

© Marjorie Ramsay

Whoa
Over the sticks
Out of town
Riding your pony/horse
Over hill and down
Horsing around
Having such sport
Hoping the poor little fox
Isn't caught
Galloping on
Till the day is done
Both horse and rider
Have had such fun!

© Marjorie Ramsay


Yoga
Got your knickers in a twist
What a hullaballoo
Don't think practising Yoga
Is something you should do!
Arm outstreched above your head
Touching finger and thumb
One leg twisted round your neck
The other ...up your bum!

© Marjorie Ramsay